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All of us have an intense desire to be loved and nurtured. The need to be loved, as Bowlby’s and others’ experiments have shown, could be considered one of our most basic and fundamental needs. One of the forms that the need to be loved love takes is contact comfort—the desire to be held and touched. Findings show that babies who are deprived contact comfort, particularly during the first six months after they are born, grow up to be psychologically damaged.
Given the importance of the need to be loved, it isn’t surprising that most of us believe that a significant determinant of our happiness is whether we feel loved and cared for. In the surveys that I have conducted, people rate “having healthy relationships” as one of their top goals—on par with the goal of “leading a happy and fulfilling life.”
In our pursuit of the need to be loved, however, most of us fail to recognize that we have a parallel need: the need to love and care for others. This desire, it turns out, is just as strong as the need to be loved and nurtured. It is the desire to love and take care of others that underlies the phenomenon of “cute aggression.” Cute aggression refers to the tendency to pinch, hug, or otherwise express love for others—particularly cute babies, kittens or puppies—in ways that mildly hurt or cause discomfort for the object of our affection.
We know that the desire to love and care for others is a hard-wired and deep-seated because fulfillment of this desire enhances our happiness levels. In other words, expressing love or compassion for others benefits not just the recipient of affection, but also its perpetrator.
And what’s more, it appears that even small acts of kindness generate just as much happiness as do lofty acts. In an interesting set of studies, participants were either given $5 or $20 as part of an experiment. Participants in both groups were then asked to either spend the money on themselves or on others. Those who spent the money on others, it turned out, grew happier than those who spent it on themselves. More interestingly, the amount of money spent on others didn’t make a difference to happiness levels: those who spent $5 derived just as much happiness as those who spent $20. Michael Norton, one of the co-authors of these studies summarizes the deep-seated and universal nature of the need to love in his excellent TED talk.
If the need to love is hardwired and universal and is also a powerful determinant of happiness, how come many of us aren’t aware of it? Why, for example, don’t we respond to the question, “What would make you most happy?” with “serving others” of "showering love on someone" than with "money" or "being loved"?
The answer, in my opinion, has to do with the messages to which we are routinely exposed from our care-takers and the media. These messages suggest to us that our happiness lies in being the recipient of others’ attention, love, and respect, rather than in being the donors of attention, love, and respect. For example, most of us are explicitly or implicitly told that happiness lies in achieving self-enhancing goals such as career success, wealth, fame, or power. The need to love and care for others, in contrast, is rarely emphasized, except perhaps in the arts.
Knowing all this, what should a happiness maximizer do?
In my opinion, the happiness maximizer would be well advised to follow the Dalai Lama’s dictum: Be Selfish—Be Generous.
There are at least three reasons why those who practice generosity experience a boost in happiness levels. First, because people have an inherent propensity to be fair to others, recipients of generosity feel pressured to reciprocate it. Thus, when you are generous to others, you attract generous behaviors from them in return. In other words, what goes around, comes around. Second, in a phenomenon known as homophily, when you are generous, chances are, you will attract others who are similarly generous to you. And hanging out with generous and compassionate people is, for obvious reasons, more happiness-enhancing than is hanging out with self-centered and materialistic people.
Finally--and this may be the most important reason why being generous enhances happiness levels--is because of the story you tell yourself. When you are generous, the story you tell yourself is that you have everything you need and more, which is why you can afford to be generous. In contrast, when you are miserly and greedy with your affection, the story you tell yourself is that you are a beggar who is dissatisfied with what you have and that you need more to be happy.
A well-kept secret to happiness, then, is to practice generosity. To derive a boost in happiness levels through generosity, however, it is not enough to recognize the link between the need to love and happiness; it is important to explicitly exhibit generosity—or “giftivism,” as Nipun Mehta calls it.
But how does one bring oneself to act in generous ways?
When I stress the importance of being generous in order to boost happiness levels with my students, most of them feel that they are not yet “ready” to be generous: they feel that they need to achieve greater wealth and success first, before they can start being generous. An unspoken assumption underlying this way of thinking is that being generous requires significant resources. In reality—as the experiment with the $5 and $20 revealed—you can practice generosity with very little resources. In fact, being generous need not involve the expenditure of any resources.
For the final project in the class that I teach, I urge my students to think of a creative way in which they can bring joy and happiness to complete strangers. In other words, students are charged with the task of finding simple and creative ways to spread joy to others. In the class I taught last year, some teams incurred relatively heavy expenses for this project, whereas others didn’t. For example, one of the teams bought and donated equipment to repair and construct houses—an act that involved the expenditure of significant resources. Another group, in contrast, simply wore goofy costumes and stood on street corners and jumped around while holding a "smiley" placard. Remarkably, both groups experienced an equal boost in happiness levels, thus suggesting that, from the standpoint of enhancing happiness levels, it is more important to act with the intention of being generous than it is to expend significant resources.
In other words, as echoed in Mother Teresa's famous quote, it is more important to do small things with great love than to do great things with little love.
If you are curious about the effect that the need to love can have on your happiness levels, why not play a "happiness prank" on someone? Consider leaving a box of chocolates outside your favorite (and unsuspecting) neighbors' door. Or pay for the person standing next in line at the coffee shop.
Then, share your experiences of perpetrating a simple and random act of generosity with us.
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Caring for others enhances happiness levels
Pups and kittens are often the "victims" of cute aggression
Why family is important in your life? It is a good question to ask yourself. Because you are not here without your mom and dad. I strongly recommend you, after reading this whole post, just ask yourself “why family is important in your life”.
The family is your blood and only the family members can accept you for who you are. The family would do anything to see you smile and love you no matter what. Your family is the one and only place where your life begins and love never ends.
You may have lots of people in your life, but you won’t find a single person who cares the most exactly same as your parents. Would you agree with me? Some of you may not agree with me, but this is the truth and one day you will realize this on your own. Actually, most of us don’t know the importance of family and how each of the family member impact on us.
Basically, most of you may know the importance of your family. But you guys never know, there are some families living together without any love or affection between each other. I hope, this post will help such people and get back them into a happy family life.
There are many reasons why a family is important in everyone’s life. Through this post, I’m going to line up only four important reasons why a family is important in your life.
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Why Family Is Important?
1. Family Make Children Future
A family is the only place where children learning a lot after the school. In school, teachers taught children about the subjects which will help them to find a good job in future. But in the home, Family taught children about habits, discipline, behavior which do not only help them to find a good job but also help them to live a great life in future. This is the main reason why the family is important for kids.
When babies come out from mother’s womb, first they see their parents and thereafter they spent most of the time with their family until going to school. Those three to four years is really important for babies to get to know some basic habits from parents, sisters, and brothers.
In fact, during the first three years, your baby’s brain triples in weight and establishes about 1000 trillion nerve connection. In this period they get to know many things from their family especially from their mom and dad. I strongly believe none of you going to teach bad habits to your baby.
2. Family Stays With You In Any Situation
This is one of the great advantages of family and many of us never realize this at any time.
You may have lots of friends or relatives or office mates. They will definitely be with you in your happy times or any successful achievements. But, your parents, sisters, and brothers are the only ones will stay with you in your hard and difficult times. In very rare situation your friends and/or relative stands with you in your hard times. But your family members will always stand with you.
Do you know what? your mom and dad are the only ones who understand you much more than anyone else in the world. Because they are your creators and the only ones traveling with you from the beginning. So they understand your feelings and always there for you whenever you need someone abundantly. This is the power of family.
There are many people can help you, but the family will help you whenever you are alone.
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3. Family Make Better Society
A perfect family is a great example of the whole society. Do you agree with me?
Father, mother, children all of them have to work in order to build a perfect family. If any of them failed then the whole family collapsed. Many families face this situation very much nowadays. The good name of the whole family ruined by a single member of the family. That is really sad but it is a bitter truth.
Every family member should work hard and build an optimal family. This will not only make a happy family but also make a good society. A good family will impact very much in a society and a society will impact very much in the country. So an ideal country not only builds by the government but also each and every family member.
Each family is the principal key to the society. This is one of another good reason why the family is important in our life.
4. Family Celebrates Your Happiness
This is one more important reasons why the family is important in our life. You are living in the 20th century and not in the 18th or the 19th-century. Before people don’t care about rich or poor and they never worry about educated or uneducated. But this 20th century is different. People communicate each other with their standard.
Jealousy is the cheapest thing which you can see everywhere in this world. If you are richer, or more educated, or beautiful, or handsome, or get promotions, or buy a costly car, or buy a house people get jealous of you. In short, if you are happy then some people get jealous on you.
But the family is something different and it is a God’s gift. They never jealous of you, instead they encourage when you pass every step. Moreover, they celebrate with you in your every happy moment. Especially parents always looking forward your every advance steps. This is why the family is important in your every step.
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So what do you think of these top four reasons why family is important in your life? As I mentioned earlier, now do ask yourself “why family is important in your life”. Once you think hard, definitely you will realize the importance of your family.
Even though there are many more reasons, these are the best reason why a family is important in our life. If you know any other good reasons why a family is important, write that in the comment box below which will help many readers. Also, you can share this post with friends and family by clicking one of the social share buttons below.
Filed Under: MotivateTagged With: Baby, Family, mother